Three ideas that could make living in Kittery, Maine just a little easier.

I’m not exactly the most civic-minded person in the world. At least, I haven’t had too many problems in my own home town of Kittery, Maine. But there are a few issues, albeit minor ones, that have been on my mind lately. Changes to these could make life just a little bit easier for us residents. Now I just have to decide whether or not I’m going to take them to the town.

This first one is probably the easiest to convince the town to at least study in terms of necessity and feasibility. The town dump is located off of route 236, a major route running from Kittery through Berwick. As such it’s usually busy throughout the day. Unfortunately, that means it’s sometimes nearly impossible to make a left turn. More than once I’ve had to turn right and turn around down the road as soon as I could make a left turn onto a parking lot. The dump is also near the border with Eliot, so that means that most residents using the dump will want to turn left.

This would be made much easier by the installation of a traffic light. The light doesn’t have to be running all day—just during the dump’s hours. The only potential downside is that there is another set of lights not to far heading towards town, which could potentially slow down the traffic leaving the Portsmouth Naval Shipyard on weekday afternoons. I have no solution to offer for this other than anecdotal evidence that people typically don’t go to our town dump that often during those times. It’s not like the light would be going off constantly all day as long as the weight sensor is working.

The next issue I would like to bring up may not be the town’s responsibility but the State’s. The Route 1 Bypass is one of three routes that connect Kittery with Portsmouth, New Hampshire, the other two being Route 1 and Route 95. Route 95 is a high-level bridge while the other two are drawbridges. There are two on-ramps from 236 onto the bypass, and right after they connect there is a set of lights that are supposed to flash when the bridge is up (or about to). There’s my first complaint—the last few times I’ve gone that way the lights were not flashing when it was up.

Secondly, it would be very helpful if there were lights somewhere before getting onto the bypass from 236. Once on the bypass it takes a long time to turn around and get onto 95. If you’re able to backtrack, even close to the off-ramp that can take you back onto 236, you then have to get onto the Kittery traffic circle. It’s very difficult to get onto the circle from that particular ramp, which adds more time. If you’re a little further down the bypass, you could take a route to the next 95 on-ramp—when it’s open again. But even if the seemingly endless construction is ever finished, it’s still time-consuming to get to that exit, which in turn is a really short ramp and therefore dangerous for an inexperienced driver.

As the bypass is a state road, that’s why I’m not sure if the town is the right channel to go through. I also don’t know how easy it would be to put lights for a state bridge onto town roads, such as 236. The bypass actually goes over 236 in the form of an overpass, so it could be possible to put the lights on the side of that. That is, of course, as long as the lights are flashing when the bridge is up in the first place.

Finally we come to my third and probably more controversial option. I know this one would be unpopular and wouldn’t even get considered by the town. But I have to air out my frustration, at least here on my blog. (Let’s be honest, I don’t feel that strongly about any of these issues. I probably won’t do anything about them. But they’re helping my daily word count.)

Bicycles should not be allowed on the stretch of Route 103 from the town border with York to Gate Two of the Shipyard. There, I’ve said it. The road is far too narrow for both bikes and cars. It’s also very windy and hilly, making it difficult to pass the bikes. Add to that the increased business at Pepperrell Cove and you have a collision waiting to happen.

I get it. It’s a nice road to ride on. Hell, I leave on that road myself. I’m also not one of those people who complain about bicyclists all the time. Sure, there are assholes on bikes out there. There are assholes in cars as well. But for the most part I haven’t had much problem with the bicyclists themselves. It’s just not a good road for both them and cars. It’s not like there aren’t plenty of other scenic routes around here.

Like I said, the third one won’t ever happen. The town holds bike marathons on this specific route once a year. But I can at least raise awareness that not everybody is comfortable with bikes around here.

Those are three issues that I think that could make something of a difference for the better in Kittery. Should I bother going to the town (or state) with them? Which make the most sense? Am I missing some problem with my ideas? How far should I take this?

Stop asking if I want my coffee hot or iced.

Before I start: look, I know this is a petty, trivial issue that I’m about to rant about. I know it sounds like somebody who comes from a place of at least some privilege whining about nothing. It is. But this issue is an irritant that happens often enough I have to say something. I’m hoping to throw this idea out there and that it will make the rounds on the Internet. At the very least I’m getting it off my chest.

If I order an extra large black coffee, that is a complete order as far as that one item is concerned. I’m getting really tired of when I go on to order something else and the barista cuts me off to ask “Hot or iced?” The default setting for coffee is hot. If I wanted iced, that is a specialty drink. Therefore, if I wanted iced coffee I would have ordered iced coffee. If I wanted hot coffee then I would have ordered… coffee.

The worst part is that they’re cutting me off when I’m talking (which is already my biggest pet peeve anyway) to ask me a question when they already should assume the answer. I answered it by omission. If I meant to get iced but I forgot to say so that’s on me. Either way, if you still really need to ask the question then wait until I’m done giving you my order.

There’s a drive-through coffee shop in my town where I go at least twice a week when I’m working in the early morning. It’s the same barista taking my order every time. They clearly recognize me. I feel like they’re trying to train me to make my order the way they want me to. I’m refusing to cave in but at the same time I’m too polite to say this directly to them. So yeah, this specific case is partly on me but at the same time I’m still running into this elsewhere. Yet I don’t think it’s part of their employee training to ask the question. This location is part of a larger chain and the baristas don’t always ask.

I have no real way to elegantly conclude this blog post. Like I said, it was just a rant that I’ve been bottling up for too long. It’s not something that colors my entire morning each time. It’s still annoying, though.

Some thoughts on solitude.

For today’s writing exercise I started writing a story about a guy who was convinced that he was the only person on the planet that had any right to live. He started amassing an army that allowed him to topple all of Earth’s cities. He wasn’t setting out to conquer all of humanity but to destroy it, allowing only those he kept around to serve him—as long as he didn’t have to set eyes on them.

The writing of this one came unsettlingly easy. I don’t think the way that this character does—at least, not consciously. Could my unconscious be telling me something? I have often had a daydream that I was the last person left alive on the planet, though usually in these fantasies the rest of humanity was only displaced by aliens that allowed the planet to stay intact for my sake. (Now that I think of it, this would be a good writing exercise for some other day.)

I don’t want the rest of humanity to go away. I do like to be left alone most of the time but not because I feel that I’m the only one who has any right to live. I just function better in solitude. I have friends and when we’re not in the middle of a pandemic I will often go out among people. Yet I’m often alone in a crowd. I don’t know if I project the air of “leave me alone” but I think most people get the hint. I also have a job in retail in which I have to interact with others but I don’t go hiding in the break room hyperventilating as a result. Making it a job makes interacting with others easy.

Of course there are also individuals whom I give my time to occasionally. I still like to go home alone at the end of the day but I have a few friends whom I will hang out with on the weekends. I still like the moments when we can be quiet around each other without offense. I don’t feel the need to fill the silence. When there’s something to say, say it. When the conversation gets lively and entertaining, enjoy it. When there’s no need for any words, don’t waste them.

With that, I’m going to cut off this blog post now.

Paying off debt during a pandemic.

Checking my checking account this morning, I discovered that my $2000 credit card payment for the month went through. This means I finally almost have that bill paid off. I should be able to have that taken care of next month. In addition to that, I’ll have my car paid off in September—possibly sooner. These two burdens will finally go away and I’ll have a much more financially stable lifestyle than I have had in the past few years (or indeed, than my whole life). Part of me celebrates—but part of me wonders if I should feel guilty.

I don’t mean that I should feel guilty by earning my money through any wrongdoing. I didn’t steal. I didn’t make any money through the work of others (I’m a supervisor but not an employer). I made money simply by going to work as usual, except during the pandemic. People are suffering and dying from this virus yet I’m getting bonuses. Instead of donating to charities left and right, I’m taking care of my own problems.

Still, I have these problems, and I have had them for a long time. I need to take care of one thing before I do another. It’s not like I haven’t given to charity during all of this, or won’t ever in the future. I didn’t get bonuses because people got sick. I got bonuses because I could potentially get sick just by doing my job. This is on top of the stimulus check that the government gave out a few months ago, which, let’s be honest, wasn’t nearly enough for most people. For me, it just helped pay off some debt.

My unease isn’t really due to getting those bonuses. If anything, they shouldn’t have stopped last month when they did. I realize that I’m fortunate enough to live in the part of the States where cases are dropping—I live in Maine and work in New Hampshire—but it’s tourist season. I’m already seeing license plates from other states such as from Florida, which just had another huge surge of new cases.

No, my discomfort comes from the feeling of pleasure that I get when I pay these debts off. I wouldn’t have been able to if it wasn’t for the pandemic. I don’t feel guilty on an intellectual level. I understand why my employer paid me extra during that time. I guess I don’t feel guilty at all. Yet when I take the pleasure in finally paying off that card next month the reasons why are going to be in the back of my head. Hell, you could argue that I deserve it for working through a pandemic, not to mention that the reason my credit card bill was so high in the first place wasn’t my fault (I’m still seeking litigation against that dentist, but it’s taking an excruciatingly long time).

Finally, I also realize that probably nobody else needed me to justify this to them. If I didn’t write this blog post nobody would know. Sometimes it’s easier for me to work things out by writing them down. When it comes down to it me paying of my credit card and car has nothing to do with the pandemic anyway. It doesn’t effect how I respond to current events beyond maybe just how much I donate when I can. Not to mention that I worked at what became considered an essential business—that’s got to count for something, right?

Avoiding writing when I shouldn’t have.

I realize that I’ve been silent on this blog for a while. There have been a few reasons for this, aside from laziness—work has picked up and even when I have the time to write I’m burnt out, for one thing. I’ve also adjusted to life with the pandemic outside of work, and haven’t had a whole lot to write about in my personal life. Yes, I think the states are opening up too early despite the curve flattening (it is, isn’t it? I get lost with the statistics these days). But that isn’t enough for me to write a whole blog post about.

Then the protests started happening and like many other people across the country—and indeed, the world—I have woken up more to the problems of systematic racism in this country, especially when it comes to the police. Yet I still kept quiet for the most part. I didn’t think anybody needed to hear from another middle-aged white man right now, even though (I think) I’m an ally. For that matter, anything I would say has been said elsewhere, more eloquently and most importantly, by more prominent people. While I don’t address this blog’s stats I don’t hide the fact, either, that it’s not widely read. In the vast ocean of the internet this blog is just a drop. On top of it all, I wouldn’t feel comfortable writing about anything other than current events, at least not right away, for the fear of being insensitive.

On the other hand it feels too conspicuous if I don’t say anything at all. So let me get this out there: I have donated to Black Lives Matter and I’m fully behind the idea of defunding the police. The specifics of what it means to defund the police seem to vary somewhat depending on who you ask, but my version does include dismantling the police entirely in certain municipalities throughout the country. And we certainly need to vote the current president out of office come November.

(Interestingly, the WordPress spell checker does not recognize “defund.” Apparently it’s a new word. I’m usually picky about such things, but I’m all in favor of “defund” entering our lexicon.)

While I feel my above reasons for not reacting here sooner are valid, I think apart of my reluctance to write anything has also been a matter of comfort. I said that I “woke up” to the problems facing this country but the truth is I was already aware of them. They just didn’t enter  my relatively safe sub-rural gentrified life and I didn’t think about them. And I also fear the reaction I might get from others. I don’t get many comments on this blog as it is but why should I avoid writing anything that might inspire others to say something about it?

I do want to write again, about a variety of topics. I’m not going to keep stopping myself from doing so. But I can’t shy away from writing about current events nor can I keep shying away from writing because of current events. In one way or another, I’m going to keep working on this blog. As I have said before, I write this for my own needs. I shouldn’t worry about how I come across.