I’ve been thinking about what exactly I’m trying to accomplish with the “Nerdy Saturday” theme. As I’ve been writing such posts I have developed a few problems with it. First of all, I have a disdain for labels generally, in particularly the “nerd” label. I’ve been using it as the same shortcut that everybody else is using. But it feels diminishing precisely because of the way it’s become used in today’s pop culture. Then, on top of that, I still remember the days of it’s “classical” use applied to me by bullies on the playground.
Secondly, I don’t have as much of a foot in that culture after all. My initial intent was to write about different aspects of such pop culture that I had something to say about, such as when I wrote about sexuality in The Transformers and the continuity of Red Dwarf. But my interests that could be considered “nerdy” are few and far between. I think what I was trying to do was justify to myself the ability to write such posts while still being “adult.” By describing what I was doing as “nerdy” right up front made it feel somehow safer. I don’t like that I was doing that or what that says about myself.
Finally, one of the problems I’ve had with the “Nerdy Saturday” theme was that I’ve been shifting a lot of interests in my life lately. I’ve mentioned on this blog before that almost two months ago I had gone through some crisis in my life that forced me to finally accept that I’m asexual. I no longer feel the need to try to be something that I’m not. In that a lot of things have been rattling around in my head and settling in place. I’m feeling the need these days for self-discovery. One such aspect of that is finally becoming the Goth that I knew in the back of my mind I needed to be for years. As such, for a while I’ve had the inclination to think that this new aspect of my personality would conflict with the “nerd” side.
I’ve easily shot this last point down. My fandom hasn’t changed for certain forms of entertainment. There’s no reason that I can’t have these so-called “dorkdoms” and be a Goth.* But just like I have no interest in turning this into a blog with a Gothic theme I don’t see the need to make it nerdy, either. I’m still going to stick with theme days for blog topics, but this isn’t going to be of them anymore. I haven’t decided what I’m going to do yet.
*I should say that I’m more of a Goth in transition at the moment. I’m wearing all black as I write this although that’s nothing new. However, I haven’t really worn black nail polish or eyeliner in public that often before today. I still need to develop more of a wardrobe (and get better at applying the eyeliner… trust me) but it can be rather expensive. At the moment I’m wearing a black suit accented by a pentagram pendent. I guess this counts but aside from the make-up I still feel I look too “normal.” By the way, I’m fully aware that I just said I don’t like labels all that much. There’s still some that I find useful.