Am I just wasting my time?

It seems like the only time I have inspiration to write for this blog anymore is when I have a book review. Am I totally devoid of ideas now? Has the well dried up? Is this just a temporary slump? Or am I just getting lazy?

Some regular readers of mine may remember that a few weeks ago I became very ill with food poisoning. I spent much of that weekend in bed, not to mention returning to it after coming home from work for several days afterwards. During that time I did very little productively, aside from writing one blog post as to why I wasn’t writing for a while. I watched television but very little else. I didn’t even bother catching up on podcasts—I instead unsubscribed several of the more “intellectual” ones that I was up to that point listening to on a regular basis.

I realized that there was a lot of more “intellectual” activities of mine… or at least, things that I deemed as such—that felt more like work than pleasure. It wouldn’t be so bad if I felt like I was getting anything out of them. Have I hit some sort of brick wall in my life when I don’t care to expand my horizons anymore? I still keep my toe in the water, as it were, with some podcasts I listen to and some news sites and blogs that I read. But I feel like I’m getting to the point in my life when I would rather enjoy myself through entertainment than learn some trivial thing that I won’t ever use.

I know that looks. You might be thinking that I never know when I might put some of this knowledge to use, especially if I ever do get a job along the lines of my degree (an ever decreasing possibility at this point), start selling screenplays or go back for my master’s degree. I might just be getting lazy and that I’m looking for entertainment than intelligence in the things that I do.

You might be right. But then, is that so bad? Should I stop trying? Should I give up—or perhaps, depending on how you look at it, give in? My writing certainly has improved over the years that I kept up this blog, especially when I kept at it regularly. But in the last few months I fell into a sort of slump. Is this a sign that I’m no longer viable?

Then again, it could just be a sign that I needed to take a break. Perhaps I was overexerting myself. And in any case, that could be true. I could dedicate this blog to just one or two book reviews a week for a while (I don’t want to give up entirely). Then, after a month or two I see if I feel like I want to continue with writing in general, or at least this blog. I know that I’ve already been inactive for a few weeks now, and before that my postings were erratic. But I think I need some sort of change.

This has been a hard issue for me to face. It could be part of that whole “self-discovery” kick I started back in August. I didn’t want to feel like a lazy loser. Then again, I don’t want to feel like a charlatan who’s wasting his own time lying to himself. A few years ago I need a month off after completing an album for the RPM Challenge. Maybe it’s time I do that again.

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