It’s just after three in the morning and I can’t sleep. I would normally be up at five so I might as well not try to sleep anyway. That’s fine, I wasn’t planning on going up to the club in Portland this week. I had other plans closer to home tonight. But I think the only reason I couldn’t sleep was I had a few too many beers last night. I don’t want to give up alcohol completely again but I need to cut back. I was fine when it was just one beer with dinner, maybe another that night if I didn’t have to work the next day. Yes, I’m a six-foot-two American male who’s a lightweight when it comes to alcohol.
You could argue that “lightweight” is a way of getting around the term “alcoholic” but I don’t honestly have that problem. But I do need to be more aware of my limits.
I might as well take this time to get caught up on a few e-mails and private messages with people, as well as some other things that I have to do online. I can’t binge watch videos this early lest I wake up my neighbors. I’m still a little groggy and I have a headache, so I don’t feel like using headphones at the moment. Maybe later I can get away with some noise, such as a podcast or two.
It’s not like I have a lot of extra time, getting up this early. But I suddenly start listing off the things in my head that I’m behind on—podcasts, e-mails, magazines, and so on. Maybe this is why I get so stressed out sometimes. I need to get everything done right away. I get into the mindset that if I only get “caught up” I can start with a blank slate and then take things at a more natural pace. But I get wound up and then distract myself as a sort of relief, and I get “behind” again. It’s not like I don’t have the time in the long run to do these things.
This is the same problem I have at work. Unfortunately, there the situation of trying to get caught up on things is more realistic. People there keep trying to tell me to not get stressed out. But they don’t realize the pressure that I’m under when I’m constantly pulled away from my own work because we’re either short staffed, or the people that are supposed to do certain tasks leave them for me to do.
See? I started winding myself up just writing that last paragraph. It’s a good thing I’m not fully awake yet.