Self-discovery Saturday #3: I’m holding back on alcohol for a while. Yes, again.

So I told myself that I wasn’t going to drink again. But I’m not making that announcement with this blog post. I’ve done that before. I’ve since grown to hate how melodramatic that post was. And besides, I don’t have any moral problems with drinking, nor do I think that I have any major psychological issues concerning it—at least none that I worry about. I just don’t want to feel sick anymore.

At the same time, I’m open to alcohol in the future. The only drink that doesn’t seem to affect me like the others is sparkling wine. I don’t know what it is about it but for some reason I can drink an entire bottle of Asti in an evening to no ill effect. It also doesn’t make me very drunk, either. I just get the nice, warm feeling that I get after one beer. (Or one serving of anything else. I just don’t like hard liquor nor am I particularly a big fan of other kinds of wine—I guess I can’t make a good stereotypical Romantic Goth.)

I want to try giving alcohol up for a month, but not starting from last weekend. Halloween is coming up, which is one of my most important holidays. It helps me get in the mood if I’m trying to do something spooky or watch an old horror film. Then there’s my birthday at the end of December, so I’ll probably have a glass or two of something then. But other than that I’m going to try to see how much I’m able to avoid drinking between now and then.

It’s been easy to not drink, as it’s only been less than a week so far. Besides, aside from a few nights in my life where I got carried away I didn’t drink that much. But I have felt some cravings over the past week. Could I have been feeling withdrawals? Is it too early to tell anyway? It could also be that I just need to hold off a while before drinking again, and maybe I won’t be so susceptible to getting sick after a few beers. Then again, maybe it is time to give it up for good, save for special occasions. It’s not like I need it in my life anymore.

I really didn’t want to turn this into a post about discovering that I had an alcohol problem and I decided to kick the habit. But I have been getting sick from it for a long time before I decided to stop. It took the overnight puking to push me over that edge. We’ll see how I fare after the bottle of wine on Halloween. Will I get sick? Will drinking it cause me to start drinking more regularly again? If either case is true, then it will be time to stop. I can enjoy life with it but I can enjoy life without it. It may take some doing to figure out how, but I’m sure it can be done. After all, I went for twenty-four years before I had my first drop, and I did have that period of over a year that I gave it up. I had my fun but it could just be time to move on.

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