A new Mario.

One of the “trending” topics on my Facebook page recently was the news that Shigeru Miyamoto announced at E3 that new kind of Mario will be coming, and that Nintendo might tweak the Mario formula like they’re doing with the upcoming Legend of Zelda game. Yet that’s all that he said. So what, exactly, is the news? Has our collective attention span gotten so short that “new kind of Mario” is all we need to create a stir?

Okay, I don’t know how intensely people are reacting to this. It just annoys me that the statement is so vague that it counts as news. The problem is that we don’t exactly know what a “new kind of Mario” means. After all, the Mario’s had all sorts of games off the main series, such as party and sports games. Even within the main series the formula has been broken (Super Mario World 2: Yoshi’s Island and Super Mario Sunshine come to mind). Maybe they’re going the educational route again?

It could also mean that the character himself is getting an overhaul. But how far would it be that he would be drastically different? Just look at the number of jobs that he’s had: plumber (supposedly), demolitions expert, doctor (although that may actually be a different character), boxing referee, professional golfer…. Mario’s a very prolific man.

Or maybe Mario is going live action again—actually, I’m going to stop myself there. The less said about that the better.

I’m hoping that Nintendo will take a more adult approach to the character, as opposed to the family-friendly version we’ve been getting all these years. For example, they could team up with Rockstar to produce Grand Theft Mario Kart. I would go for that one. Imagine, Mario has to plant a Bob-Omb in Wario’s kart in order to steal all of his coins. He then steals Donkey Kong’s cart so he can hire a Toad prostitute.

Then again, a first-person shooter would be a neat idea to pursue. The only problem is that they’d have to upgrade his ability to throw fireballs. Really, what’s up with this two-fireballs-at-a-time shit? Of course, they’d have to expand his range of weapons.

I’m just goofing around her but as we were given basically nothing to go on, you get the idea that we could take this anywhere. I’m personally not going to get caught up in too much speculation. This could go nowhere. It could be disastrous. I don’t think that I’m really going to care that much. I don’t bother buying new consoles, anyway.

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