Is viewing dating sites without actually dating an addiction? #onlinedating

Is constantly browsing through dating sites an addiction? Let me clarify: is browsing through dating sites on a regular basis without any intent on contacting somebody an addiction? I never tried contacting anybody on OkCupid. I have swiped right a couple of times on Tinder but to no avail—except for one time, and I ended up taking too long to respond that I no longer saw her in my “matches” screen.

I also won’t take part in any service that requires you to pay in order to contact somebody, such as Zoosk and Match.com. I like to think that my reasoning is ethical: I don’t think it’s right to pay a third party in order to meet somebody socially. I could also live with economical justifications. I can’t really afford it right now and I’m cheap anyway. Besides, I don’t want to give my financial information to yet one more company on the Internet. But the truth is that I don’t have any intent on contact anybody through those sites.

Am I timid? Or am I just not interested in pursuing a relationship? Don’t get me wrong, I’m open to one. But I don’t really have the drive to go out of my way to intentionally start dating somebody. I have been on dates in my life, but they always end on platonic terms. I’m fine with that. I still identify as a heterosexual male, even thought I’m not active. I have attractions and urges. But I don’t think I can mentally handle one-night stands and I never could get a handle on going beyond friendship.

All of that aside, my initial question at the top of this blog post remains. Am I addicted to dating sites? Why is it that I so often find myself cycling through random “matches” through various sites (even the ones I can’t contact anybody through because I haven’t paid for it), passing everybody by? Am I that picky? Or do I just like looking?

Or perhaps it’s nothing to do with the women on the other end at all. It could purely be the act of cycling through these images on a computer screen. It’s almost like a passive video game that I can stop after just a few minutes without having to save my progress. If I don’t meet anybody, I’ll never get to the next level as it were. At the same time, I can’t lose. And it’s not like I’m judging the women on the other end. I’m barely even looking at their profiles or pictures. I’m thinking that all I’m seeing is just pictures on a screen.

But I don’t look through picture sites such as Instagram or Flickr the same way. There’s plenty of quick little video games that I could play as well. This doesn’t necessarily refute the idea. It could just be that dating sites are my game at the moment.

Now watch—I’ll end up meeting somebody on one of these sites after all, start to get along with them and after a few dates they’ll see this blog post. What will they think of how we met? Will it matter? Will this self-defecating paragraph help my case? Or do I even have a case to make?

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2 thoughts on “Is viewing dating sites without actually dating an addiction? #onlinedating

  1. I wouldn’t say you’re addicted…unless you can’t physically stop yourself from looking at these pictures or if interferes with your every day life .
    I might be wrong , but it sounds like online dating sites give you the freedom to look at women in your area, women who you might actually cross paths with at some point without being being leveled as a “creeper” …can you imagine if you sat at the park and stared at every woman that walked by?
    …someone would eventually call the cops …
    I’d say don’t worry about it …but keep in mind that these women are real people and when they get a match that doesn’t respond it hurts their ego just a little bit 😉

  2. Oh, I definitely understand that they are real people. I should have mentioned in my post above that the only times women reached out to me, a. they were obviously bots, b.they were too far away (although I do feel guilty that I didn’t respond well in those few instances) or c.they were on those paid sites that I mentioned, meaning that I signed up out of curiosity but then I would have to pay extra just to respond.
    Or, if you were referring to something like Tinder when I get a mutual match, the one that I took too long to respond to was the only actual match I’ve gotten so far. Sad, I know, but true.
    And I wouldn’t do this on a park bench. I’m not really ogling at the women online, either—that’s what I was getting at when I considered the idea that I was only cycling through them because I was bored and online and it was a passive level of activity.
    Finally, I should have also mentioned in the post that I’m not doing this for extended lengths of time… like a lot of things on my blog I overstated and overthought the issue. It helps with my word count, but it also makes me look anal-retentive. (Or maybe I really am and this blog is my subconsciousness’ way of telling me things?)
    Thanks for reading and leaving a comment. I hope my reply wasn’t too long-winded. 🙂

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