Doors.

It just occurred to me today that I may have been opening doors wrong for years. I’m sure I’m not the only one that does this. I’m referring to the type of door handle that you have to turn and then push the door to go through the doorway. It sounds simple enough but I realized that I’m probably putting the door handle itself through too much work. I would turn the handle, and then keep on pushing while holding the handle. What I should be doing is turning the handle with one hand, and push with the other. This saves wear on the handle. I’ve noticed that quite a few that I’ve used for years have been wearing out.

Then we have the problem on the other side of the door. Often times the handle is the only thing to pull on, which loosens it up. With heavier doors we have to pull harder, yet we only have only the one handle to pull on. What we should have is one handle to turn and one sturdier handle that’s fixed to the door to pull on. We have those on doors that simply push on the other side, like those found in restrooms. I think we need to start adding them to all doors that we have to pull.

By the way, I know I’m being biased to handles here. I don’t mean to ignore knobs. The door that I use to get in and out of my apartment uses doorknobs, not handles. But it would be too tedious if I wrote “handle or knob” every time I was referring to the fixture on the door.

Both revolving doors and electric sliding doors solve this issue, but they have their own parts that wear out just by the way that they are used. I would imagine that they would need more maintenance than the kind I was describing above. Revolving doors also seem more snobbish anyway. I don’t mind them on principle, but I wouldn’t want to own one. I don’t want people to think I’m being pretentious. Besides, it would be harder to slam one of those if I were angry, especially if I want to shut somebody out of my apartment. Then again, if I did have that kind of money, I would probably make it one of those electronic revolving doors and give it higher speeds while being able to stop quickly. That way, if somebody were trying to get into my place and I didn’t want them there, I could make the door quickly swing them to the outside. Stopping the door quickly, it would launch them away from the building. Mormons would then think twice about coming to my place.

That would be the advantage of a revolving door. I wouldn’t want an electric sliding door at my residence because I would feel like I lived at a grocery store. But if I did have one, you can be sure that I would install a device on it so whenever it opens, it makes that “whoosh” noise from Star Trek.

It’s thoughts like these that keep me from revising my new novel in a timely fashion.

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